There are many things in the world that are worse than being bad in bed, but being bad in bed indefinitely up there. The thought of others thinking your bedroom skills are lacking is, well, heartbreaking. That’s, like, the #1 thing you don’t want people to say about you behind your back. The worst part about it is that people generally don’t tell you when your performance in bed is lackluster. They don’t give you pointers or anything, which would be totally helpful. Well, that’s where we come in because if he won’t tell you your bedroom fails, we will.
There are many ways to have a mishap in bed. Many of the mistakes women tend to make in bed can come from trying too hard. You should definitely put forth effort in bed, but don’t try to be a film star. You’re a normal woman and that’s who he is sleeping with. There is no reason to give a performance worthy of a camera crew. On the other end of the spectrum, you also don’t want to be the person who doesn’t try hard enough. Girl, move your body! Don’t make him do all the work.
Whether the mistakes come from trying too hard, trying too little, feeling insecurity, or not feeling comfortable, we have them all listed below. Here are 16 mistakes you’re making in the bedroom. Now you can fix them and become Rihanna – because we all know Rihanna is a queen in the bedroom, right?
16. Always Turning Off The Light
While it may just seem like a reflex, you don’t always have to flip the switch before things get intimate. Getting up and out of bed, just to turn off the lights, can also sometimes break the heat of the moment. Instead, just go with the flow. If the lights are on, leave’ em on. In fact, there are times when he wishes you would leave the lights on. It’s nice to be able to, I don’t know, actually see each other while doing bedroom things.
Of course, ‘actually seeing each other’ is usually why women are quick to turn off the lights. We feel self-conscious and would rather get it on in the dark. Well, own your body in the light, girl. Getting it on will still be totally hot if the lights are on and he can see any ‘imperfections’, because who really cares about that when you’re rolling around in bed together?
Experiment and leave the lights on every so often. It a fun switches up when it comes to getting it on.
15. Being Too Quiet
Bodies can make some super unsexy sounds during intimacy and, if you’re completely quiet, you’ll have to hear to those weird bodily sounds. You don’t have to go all out with moaning or dirty talk, but a little sprinkle of it never hurt anybody. You could also start off my romantic affirmations, like telling him how much you like him or how hot he is. You could also just say when something feels good – that’s both a way to make some noise and extremely helpful for the guy.
14. Being Way Too Loud
On the flip side, you also don’t want to be too loud. Yeah, guys watch vids, but that doesn’t mean you have to sound like one of those girls during nookie. In fact, please don’t sound like a star during nookie. Not only is it not neighborly to be very loud during intimacy, but it’s also fake. It’s just too artificial. A guy can tell the difference between a girl moaning because she is, in fact, because pleasured that much and a girl moaning because she thinks she’s supposed to. Yes, make some noise, but don’t put on a show for him because you think that’s what you’re supposed to do. You’re a human woman, who is not starring in an adult vid. He knows that and he’s not expecting you to sound like a star.
13. Always Keeping It In The Bedroom
Bedroom fun certainly doesn’t have to only be had in the bedroom. When the mood strikes, the mood strikes. If you and your man are getting hot and heavy on the living room couch or in the kitchen, go with it. Don’t always feel the need to bring it into the bedroom. Sure, the kitchen floor is, like, 100% less comfortable than your plush bed, but he’ll love this adventurous side of you.
There is a line, though. We’re not saying that you should get busy in a bar bathroom, the back seat of a cab, or even the living room if your roommate is due to be home. Be adventurous, but use your judgment. If you’re not likely to get caught, what’s the harm in getting frisky in the kitchen? It’s totally hot.
12. Not Telling Him What You Want
Women’s bodies are a bit more complicated than men’s bodies. While men’s bodies are more straightforward, women’s bodies can take more work to pleasure. That’s us, women, always a complicated thing.
Because our bodies are so different from men’s, they don’t always know exactly how to please us. Don’t be afraid to tell him what he’s doing right and wrong. Remember, he wants you to feel good. Of course, use some tact. Don’t critique his performance too, too much, because that’s not good for anyone. Find a gentle way that doesn’t break down his ego, but also explain what you want in bed.
11. Being Afraid Of New Positions
Do not just lie there in missionary. Get to it, girl! There are so many positions to explore. I mean, the internet was basically created so you could search for explanations about zillions of wild positions. Just do some Googling and you’ll find fun new ways that you probably didn’t even think bodies could fit together.
You don’t always have to be the one bringing a new position to the table. If he is attempting to twist your bodies into a new position, just go with it. What’s the worst that could happen? Yes, your body may not look it’s absolute best, but he will not care about that in that moment. Sex shouldn’t be that serious, anyway. Intimacy can be a fun exploration so don’t simply commit to just one position for the rest of your life.
10. Not Indulging In Foreplay
Foreplay should not just be skipped over. It can and should be an essential part of getting it on. Hey, if the foreplay is good enough, you can hit the Big O before the nookie even starts.
As women, we shouldn’t be afraid of foreplay. There is the obvious factor of pleasuring him, which he, like every guy that ever lived, loves. You should feel good about indulging in that, because don’t you want to make a person you care about feel good? Furthermore, you should 100% be comfortable with letting him perform foreplay on you. Women tend to be self-conscious about their bodies, but it’s just a vagina. It’s not going to hurt anyone. You may think that refusing his offer to go down on you is kind – less work for him, right? – but let him please you if he wants.
Don’t be insecurity keep you from having fun with extracurricular activities. Foreplay can sometimes even be better than the actual act. You don’t want to miss out on that.
9. Always Waiting For Him To Initiate
We’re raised thinking that guys are forever down to get frisky while us women are the gatekeepers, so why not be the ones that initiate the lovin’ sometimes? If you’re always waiting for him to make a move, that’s a big mistake. I mean, the guy doesn’t always have to be the one to initiate a hot and steamy encounter. We can initiate the nookie every once in a while.
If you’re in the mood, you could be the one to get things started. There is absolutely no harm in that. In fact, he’ll probably be pretty turned on by you being upfront. Being aggressive can be a huge turn on for guys, since women too often sit there and wait for them to make a move. This will surprise him and even take some of the work off his plate. Just start kissing him hot and heavy and let things go from there. Easy peasy.
8. Forgetting Proper Hygiene
One of the biggest mistakes you could be making in the bedroom actually happens in the bathroom. If you’re going to be doing the dirty with a guy, should don’t be dirty yourself. Make sure that you are fresh and clean, especially if it’s a new partner. As people date and get to know one another, things may become more and more relaxed. If you’re in a long-term relationship, he’ll usually understand if you skip waxing, haven’t shaved your legs or whatever else. If it’s the beginning of a relationship, he makes think your hairy legs are normal for you. Also, make sure you have minty fresh breath. That’s, like, Sex Ed 101.
If your body isn’t clean, that may actually distract him from what is going on between you. You don’t want to give him an excuse to think about something other than what’s going on between you two, especially if it’s your body odor that he’s thinking about.
7. Being Too Aggressive With His Sensitive Areas
It’s generally assumed that guys are the tougher sex because of BS stereotypes and cliches. (Uh, we’d like to see guys deal with having their periods or childbirth.) Whatever the case, many of us still think men’s bodies can handle a bit more roughness than ours. Because of this, we may be a little rough a guy with whom we’re intimate. This is not good.
Guys’ sensitive areas are just as sensitive as ours. You can’t be tugging, scratching, pulling and hurting his area. It’s going to hurt him, just as much as it would hurt you. Even a guy built like Channing Tatum would be hurt if you were rough with certain body parts. If you are, perhaps, engaging in foreplay, feel free to ask him if he’d like things faster, harder or rougher. Using communication can help you find the perfect amount of pressure sure him.
6. Faking It
There should be a memo to all women everywhere that tells them to stop faking it. We’ll say it here, though – if you are faking it, stop it right now. Do not fake it, ladies.
Yes, ‘faking it’ is a joke used in popular shows like Friends and Sex and the City, but it’s becoming antiquated. Faking the Big O for a guy doesn’t help anyone. You are giving him a false sense of a job well done. In which case, he’ll continue doing exactly what he did to you, instead of trying to find out what exactly you like. Also, faking it is a lot of work. The fake moaning and thrashing about really take you out of the moment. Instead of being present, you’re inside your head and putting on a performance.
Don’t fake it. Instead, try to help him understand what pleasures you. That’s a win for both of you.
5. Using (Too Much) Teeth
While we already talked about being too rough with his sensitive parts, we thought we would specifically say that using too much teeth is not good. In preschool, we’re taught that biting is bad and the same lesson can be applied in the bedroom.
A little bit here and there can be totally sexy so feel free to use your chompers a little bit but bite sparingly. Your teeth should definitely not be biting down on his sensitive parts because ouch. Also, don’t bite too hard. You don’t want to draw blood. You also don’t be the girl that leaves him covered in bite marks.
A playful little bite can be really hot in the moment. Just keep it more friendly than 50 Shades of Grey, because biting can get out of hand very quickly.
4. Not Having The Back Door Talk
Some people are into, uh, backdoor stuff, while others think of it as an area that is completely off limits. Everyone is different when it comes to the back door area, so you should be open to talking about it. The conversation may be over very quickly if either you or he are absolutely not interested in doing backdoor stuff, thus shutting down the topic. However, one or the other could be interested in experimenting, which could lead to a little discussion.
Whatever the case, make sure that the back door is talked about before just doing something back there. That is never just okay. Everyone should feel comfortable, so don’t just assume someone is down with the back door. Having the talk is definitely awkward, but it’s 100% less awkward than what could happen if you don’t talk about your limits.
3. Forgetting About Some Of His Areas
Sometimes we concentrate on his member so much that we forget there are tons of other body parts that are pleasurable to him. Yeah, his member is important. We don’t want to forget about it, but there are also tons of other areas to give some love too. The most obvious would be all the fun areas around his member. Other than that, his neck is especially sensitive so kissing, grabbing or biting his neck may completely turn him on. Also, his ears are just as sensitive. You could pull his hair, but just don’t pull too hard. You don’t want to be the girl that literally pulled out of a clump of his hair.
There’s more to a man than just his member, ladies. Think outside of the box when it comes to his body. You never know, you may discover a new hot area to touch that he absolutely loves.
2. Most Obviously, Not Using Protection
The biggest mistake you can make in the bedroom is not using protection. Plain and simple. This mistake can have some very real consequences. Unlike turning off the lights or not trying new positions, not using protection can be very detrimental to your health. Protection keeps us safe from a bunch of diseases and infections. You should all of your parts safe.
Protection also protects against having babies before you’re ready, which is awesome. I mean, some of us can’t even be bothered to tell Netflix that yes, we’re still here binge-watching. Also, when are they going to get the hint and just take that feature off?
When it comes down to it, don’t just rely on birth control. Make him wrap it up, especially if it’s random you met off Tinder.
1. Being Self Conscious
The #1 mistake you can make in the bedroom is simply being self-conscious about your body, your preferences, or your needs.
The sexiest thing in the world is confidence and that is completely true in the bedroom. You should feel comfortable in your own skin, and know what you are into and aren’t into. Every man loves a woman who is confident enough to just be herself in the bedroom. Also, he really, really doesn’t care about that roll of fat, cellulite or stretch marks on your body. All women have them. Don’t let little imperfections like that distract you from having a fulfilling sex life. Like, you’re seriously going to let a giggly thigh keep you from reaching the big O. Girl, no. Don’t be shy in the bedroom, just be you.
So, there you have 16 major bedroom mistakes. We can all, now, get past these mistakes and embrace the sex goddesses that we all are.