Bragging about being good in bed is one thing, secretly hoping you’re great in the sack is another, but what really does make you good in bed? Whether you’re in a relationship or newly dating, being good in bed, together especially, is something most people consider vital to a happy relationship. So what are the tell-tale signs?
1. You feel connected to your partner
Research by sexologists seeking to answer the question, “What makes good sex?” has shown that the answer lies not in any particular technique but in two people feeling a sense of connection together. Good sex is not just a physical experience but rather one that emphasizes the core quality of it being a shared, meaningful experience. So to be good in bed, the very first step is to understand that dimension of connecting with your partner beyond the physical level. Couples who study tantric sex, karezza and other systems of mind-body-spirit sexual connection devote themselves to connecting beyond the physical. Many people are turning to trying it out and seeing the benefits of their relationship blossom.
2. You’re confident
Other fundamental qualities that make you a great lover include being confident about yourself, having a positive body image, and feeling sexy. If you feel greater about your sexy self it not only enhances your physical libido, but it allows you to get lost in the sexual experience, become intensely immersed in it, and be swept away in the pleasure. This is a great lover, the one who isn’t self-conscious and detached from the experience.
3. You’re open to change in the bedroom
A good lover uses their most important erotic organ which isn’t the one between the legs, but the one between your ears. Using your brain for creativity, imagination and keeping an open mind for trying new things also will make you a good lover your whole life. Your body will change, your partners may change, your sexual response and health will change. So if you remain open to change in your sexual expression you’ll be guaranteed to be a creative, dynamic lover.
4. You listen to your partner
Listening is a vital quality of being a good lover, as is being attentive, generous or at least unselfish. Sex is a shared experience, so paying attention to your partner’s needs, including as their desires change too is more important than anything other things that you do between the sheets. Without good communication, you can’t possibly be a great lover.
5.People always want to do it with you
If your significant other keeps initiating the love-making then you must be doing something right. Because if they constantly want to get down and dirty then they obviously really enjoy it – it’s as simple as that. Similarly, if you’re single, you’ll know you’re good in bed if the person you’re seeing (be it just for the evening or somebody you’re actually dating) wants a second round. You may have agreed to a casual encounter but they just can’t get enough of your loving. If you’re good in bed then you’ll probably be a person who receives a lot of sexts from your partner or whoever it is that wants to be your partner.
6.You have a variety of moves in your repertoire
The last thing people want is vanilla sex. Because it’s just really boring. To make sex special you need to mix it up a little or a lot even. You’re good in bed if you don’t stick to the same old moves. And let’s be honest here, everybody is different and everybody likes different things. So with every new sexual partner, you need to experiment a little to see what works for both of you. If you’re not afraid of using a variety of moves to really get him or her going and take the sex up a notch into the realms of AMAZING then you’ve really got it going on.
7.You enjoy it
You may be a very generous lover and that’s great. But it’s not all about pleasing the other person when it comes to being a master of sex, you have to enjoy it as well. It has to be a great experience overall, for both of you. People get really turned on by seeing their partner in ecstasy. If you’re enjoying yourself then it will make the other person feel happy. They’ll feel good about their own performance and by the end, they’ll be satisfied in more ways than one. So you’re good in bed if you allow your sexual partner to feel that they’re also good in bed.
8.You’ve had a spontaneous session
If you’ve had spontaneous sex in a crazy place, then you’re not just good in bed you’re good anywhere. This represents all the things that make a person good in bed. You’re confident because you’re willing to get jiggy anywhere. You’re happy to mix things up so that your love life never dries up. And initiating a spontaneous love-making session is definitely a smooth move that will get your lover excited. It’s hot, well done. On the other hand, if somebody has initiated a spontaneous sesh with you then you’re obviously really good in bed. They want you so much they can’t even wait until you get home to get it on.
9.You’re well-acquainted with the other person’s anatomy
So many people try their very best to reach the right spot but fail miserably. It helps to know what general areas you need to be heading towards. You’re good in bed if you know where all of those oh-so-special erogenous zones are. Good in bed if you know there’s more than just one too – think Monica’s one to seven dialogue in Friends. You’re also a competent lover if you know what they like. There may be a sensitive part of their body you can touch that drives them crazy. You don’t need to be somebody’s regular partner to know this. You just need to be happy exploring and responding to their body.
10.Your partner is trying hard
Forget the pillow princesses. If your partner is really into the sex then they will be giving it all they’ve got as well. They’ll be really into it and really into you. They’ll be 100% in the moment and not daydreaming about what’s on their shopping list while you’re working your magic. If you’re good in bed then the other person will rise to the occasion (excuse the pun) to try and keep up with your awesome skills.
11.They’re super appreciative afterward
Unless you’re sleeping with a pathological liar you can take their words to be a true representation of your performance. If you hear “Wow that was effing amazing, the best I ever had,” then you ought to believe it. If somebody was lying to you they wouldn’t go over the top like that, they would just say something like, “Hmm… That was nice.” If they show you lots of affection afterward then they were into it. They’re thanking you for an awesome time when they wrap their arms around you. Even if they fall asleep straight away you’ve done something right. You’ve given them such a hot workout that you’ve tired them out. Go you!
12.You’ve heard some rumors
Guys talk about sex with their mates, girls talk about sex with their mates. And when you’re talking to your close friends about somebody you slept with then you’ll more than likely be honest about whether that person was a beast in the sack or a dud. The news will inevitably spread that you’re a hot lover. Don’t let it go to your head too much though. Confidence is sexy but arrogance really isn’t.
13.You’re naturally flirty
For many people, the excitement begins way before you get around to bumping uglies. If you flirt successfully with the person you’re about to get it on with then you’re turning up the heat and building the tension. Don’t forget that you can still flirt with somebody that you’ve been with for a while. Maybe they’re really turned on by the fact that you’re a sexting expert. You send off those flirty texts and it’s as though you’re getting intimate before you’ve even reached the bedroom. For many, sex is a mental game as well as a physical one and if you get both of those things right then all in all you’re a boss.
14.You take your time
it’s not a race you know. There’s something to be said about a steamy, spontaneous quickie sure. But the best lovers don’t always have the end goal in mind. Good sex can involve many layers of pleasure. And someone who’s good at sex will guide you through all of them. Also, you don’t want your trust to be over in a matter of minutes. You want to be pleasured for as long as possible. That means you’re good in bed if you take your time and make it last (no I’m not trying to write a RnB love song here).
15.You talk with your partner and you listen
Communication is key to making the sex sensational. Poor lovers don’t take an interest in what their partner is craving. If you’re in a relationship and the sex isn’t right then you need to talk about it. Don’t worry about hurting one another’s feelings, it’s more important that you improve upon or fix whatever’s going on and move on. Similarly, communication during sex is key. People who know what they’re doing make sure their partner is comfortable so that they can really let go and enjoy themselves. They listen to what their partner is asking for and respond accordingly to meet all of his or her needs.
16. You don’t rush things
Like with most things in life, if you pay attention to detail, and take your time, the result will be far superior to if you rush around blindly. While you wouldn’t think it, being thorough is a definitely quality of a master class lover. See things through from start to finish, if you catch my drift.
17. You welcome the opportunity to have sex
A good balance between spontaneity and just doing it is important! Don’t forget the plain mathematics of good sex: saying yes more than no. Being approachable by your partner, initiating nookie yourself, and being eager more often than refusing is a pretty simple but often overlooked quality of being great sexually.
18. You’re playful in bed
Sex is our adult recreation – not just procreation. This is your adult playtime to feel good with each other and enjoy every bit of one another. It doesn’t have to be serious or harried (sometimes that’s okay too). If you want to be good in bed, be playful – show your enjoyment!